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With tomorrow being the the climax of this year's election season, what could be more American than ripping open a pack of 1990 Bowman baseball? Don't answer that. Anyways, I've decided to give what would otherwise be a boring pack break more of an exciting political feel. There are 14 base cards in this pack so we will determine a winner in the same spirit of our great democracy. 14 candidates. 7 primaries. 1 winner. Let's begin...
Upon opening we have an 18-year old shattered piece of gum spill out. Oh well. Consider it the Mike Gravel of this pack. An early non-contender. Moving on to the primaries we get our first two candidates...
305 - Jack McDowell
Blackjack is sporting a red, white and blue jersey which automatically earns him patriot points. Plus he had a great career with the White Sox.
Campaign slogan: Good pitching will always defeat good hitting.
His opponent...
51 - Reggie Jefferson
About the only thing going for Jefferson on his card is that he's posing with his bat. He had a brief career with his best years, if you could call them that, coming with the Indians.
Campaign slogan: Walk softly and carry a big stick.
Your winner: Blackjack in a landslide.
Our next two candidates:
255 - Cal Ripken
Wow. You can't beat a HOFer like Cal. Plus on the card photo he kinda resembles a young FDR. If FDR wore eyeblack ... and a baseball jersey. I'm afraid this is gonna be a tough act to follow for any card in this set.
Campaign slogan: May 30, 1982. A date which will live in infamy.
288 - Jim Abbott
Well let's see here. FDR and Jim Abbott. Two Americans with disabilities that overcame all odds to triumph in their respective careers. Oh wait sorry, it's Abbott versus Ripken. No contest.
Campaign slogan: We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Your winner: Ripken all the way.
Our next two candidates:
241 - Terry Kennedy
Whoa. Talk about presidential parallels, with a last name like Kennedy this one has to be in the bag. Plus Kennedy was a pretty solid catcher for the Padres and Orioles for a number of years. I'm talking about Terry Kennedy not Jack Kennedy.
Campaign slogan: Ask not what your catcher can do for you, ask what you can do for your catcher.
30 - Ryne Sandberg
Bam! Just when you thought Kennedy had this wrapped up along comes another HOFer like Ryne Sandberg. Sorry but ya gotta give it up to Ryno. I mean just look at his card. He's got his batting gloves and bat ready.
Campaign slogan: Ready to lead on day one.
Your winner: Sandberg in a sweep.
Our next two candidates:
137 - Kevin Elster
Versatile infielder for a number of years in the 80's and 90's, but never a considered a star.
Campaign slogan: You could do worse.
503 - Jack Daugherty
Was a prospect with the Rangers in the early 90's but never amounted to much.
Campaign slogan: You just did worse.
Your winner: Gotta go with Elster given that he actually had somewhat of a career but don't expect him to go much further than the primaries.
Our next two candidates:
147 - Ken Howell
Kinda sounds like Colin Powell who just endorsed Obama. Howell is a pitcher which is like defense in baseball and on his card he has a stern look on his face so he could definitely be a Secretary of State, like Powell.
Campaign slogan: Peace through strength.
383 - Gerald Perry
Perry shares a namesake with former President Gerald Ford who was famous for a gaffe in the debates when he said the Soviet Union would not control Eastern Europe on his watch which ... um yeah ... they already did for decades.
Campaign slogan: The Soviet Union will not ... uh wait ... it's called Russia now?
Your winner: Perry gave this one away to Powell, I mean Howell.
Our next two candidates:
192 - Ray Lankford
Lankford carved out a descent career with the Cardinals.
Campaign slogan: Why not me?
265 - Jeff Reardon
Reardon is rocking an awesome Lincolnesque beard! That's enough for me.
Campaign slogan: A nation divided cannot stand.
Your winner: Facial hair on a baseball card always beats no facial hair.
Our last two candidates:
293 - Bobby Rose
Even though he's not related, he shares a last name with Pete Rose and the last thing a politician needs is bad press.
Campaign slogan: I am not a crook.
428 - Alan Mills
Mills was a .500 pitcher mostly for the Orioles. But his last name isn't Rose.
Campaign slogan: I am really not a crook.
Your winner: Mills by a nose.
Now we get down to the nitty gritty. After hard fought wax pack primaries we are left with Blackjack, Cal Ripken, Ryno, Kevin Elster, Ken Howell, Jeff Reardon, and Alan Mills. Who will win the whole enchilada?
Drum roll please ... the winner and next president of the United States is...
Cal Ripken
Well, things could be worse...
And on a serious note if you are reading this, don't forget to vote, if you haven't done so already.
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